it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
