I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
