how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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