Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
