Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
