just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
