Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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