dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
