The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
