All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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