so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
