So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
