So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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