Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
