Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
