we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
