im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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