I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
