i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
