i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
