I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
