Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
