yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
