I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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