I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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