you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
