the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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