I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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