So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
