I'm going to jail i love you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
