Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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