I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
