he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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