I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
