Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
