i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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