Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
