apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
