I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
honey bunches of taint.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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