what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
