I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
