My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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