I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
