My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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