your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
