oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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