I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
