New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
