i need an iv and a liver transplant
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
