...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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