I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
