Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
