I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
